i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
