When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize