Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
operation harelip BJ is a go
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Boobs are out for the taking
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
