drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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