Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
