I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
