sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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