Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
