matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
