Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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