I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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