i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
