I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
handjob tips. give me some.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize