Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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