So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
