She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
