She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize