I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
