I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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