this just has baby written all over it
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
