1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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