I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
