she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
