mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
