i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
