I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
