Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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