I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
