I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
