More tranny stories later!
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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