if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
