don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
