hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
