i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
