ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
we're making bets on your personal life
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize