I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
It's shark week go big or go home
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
