I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
