You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
