Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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