Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
