He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
