I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
