I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
At least life still wants to fuck me.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
