At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i love accidental penises.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
