I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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