So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
