You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
