I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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