he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Sober January is a disaster.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
