he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
