We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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