Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
