i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
