Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Randomize
