He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
