Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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