We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
