My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
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