i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
