I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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