He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
