I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
