I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
